Spiritual Ramblings: Just Him
The absolute best thing about this God that I serve is the fact that I can just sit with Him and be… completely me. There is no pretending in our relationship. None. There is no need to protect Him from my tears, from my pain, from my scars. He already knows all of them. And He never once uses them against me. Not once! When I fall apart with Him, He doesn’t ask me if I’ve prayed about it. He doesn’t quote scriptures at me. He doesn’t remind me of all He’s done in the past. Because He knows when I break, it’s not because of lack of faith in Him, but lack of faith in humanity and their ability to understand the fragility of the hearts of others. He knows my anger is not because of anything He has or hasn’t done, even if it comes out that way. He knows my deeply dark pain is not something I’m “dwelling on” or something I need to “let go and move on” from. He knows the true depths of each tear that scrolls down my cheek, without need for explanation from me. And He doesn’t condemn me for letting them out. Instead He does what so many others fail to do. He acknowledges the tears, encourages more of them to escape, and shows me how beautiful they are to Him, how rare and perfectly formed each one of them is to Him because they carry with them a picture of the story He is writing in my life. He shows me what true love is. He simply sits, hands placed on either side of my face, and lets the water flow freely to be captured for His memories, whispering that He loves me, over and over again, so that I never lose sight of that, despite the words that may escape my wounded tongue. Time after time He simply sits, holds me, listens, and lets me be truly me: raw, broken, dirty, completely unguarded me. Because He knows these moments are necessary for our relationship. He sees what I don’t: the beauty in the mess. He alone knows how to hold me together when I feel as if I’m shattered beyond repair. He understands all that I am…and He loves everything He sees.